Why I will never be a singer | specialagentscully's Blog

Well, I'm a profane singer. My mother was really good singer, lyrical singer. She went to art school and all. But It's never been my stuff. School was more "affection" to me more than learning. Why I had so high and low results.  I loved to sing rock, and soul, and all. In the beginning I couldn't do all that, because I sang very high. I'm natuarlly a soprano, even higher maybe. And i controlled nothing, I sang with a head voice, that was unbearable I think. Well i could sing lower, but it wasn't my nature, and i started singing very young, by 3 or so. The first song I sang was "somewhere over the rainbow" (and i learnt french before english, I just knew it phonetically then, but I felt it). My aunt played the piano, and I sang along. I heard it later, honeslty for a 3 year old, it was good. But then I had a hiccup and couldn't finish it lol After that, my mother always encouraged me to sing, and my grand-father and all, and to go to art school, but I didn't want to. They didn't push me, and I just learnt by myself; For a long, long time, I couldn't sing with my belly. My mother always told me to sing with my belly, and it meant nothing to me. And one day it came, without knowing it. Then, when I was touching it, I was in couple, and I erased myself too much. I've been singing again for about a year ago. I've lost too many years. And I smoke so much. I mean, for the voice, it doesnt change much. But for the breath, it does. When I quit smoking for many years, it was so easier. I can sing low or high now (to a certain limit, although I think there are some moments so powerful you can nearly do anything), I've worked on it. Because there were so many things I wanted to sing. Emotionally, It's high, but technically, I would really need help. I have a very good ear, but apply it is something else. What is weird is I sing better when drunk, because I let go. It's not something you can work on. I think. I've heard from lots of people that singing acapella was harder for them than being directed. For me no. Acappelle is pure freedom, its how I reveal myself. Or following an instrument, that way I can sing just like I am. Karaoke is a much more difficult exercise for me. The lyrics, and even the music ( have you heard  karaoke sounds? Wow, yuck).  I don't know. I'm just, weird. I couldn't be a singer too because I don't see myself on stage. I WAS on stage, mostly acting. But singing and acting are different. If you wanna be good, in both, you've got to be you. But singing, there's no play, you follow no lines, no story (well, yeah, the lyrics), it's very different, you're bare. I remember that time though, I was going to a camping with friends, and there was that evening when you could sing. And friends pushed me, I didn't want to. I had to pass after that guy, he wasn't a good singer really, but he made it so funny, and empowered what he did somehow. And I had to pass after him. I was nervous like puking. But it happened well. I chose a song I knew, so I didn't really have to follow the screen, what I hate, and I turned around to my "public", and some people who were not in the soiree stopped and listened. It's a way for me to go on. But being a singer, that's a lot more. I write really better than I can express myself orally, whatever the art. But I still love singing. I do karaoke at home, although I don't like karaoke, I don't know what else to do. And I keep everything. Without cuts many times. It's soooo funny too. When my cats come around on my desk, sniffing everywhere, and showing me their asses, I laugh so much. I want to do MORE about that. But I know I need technical help. AND, it's not only about that for me. I would need someone who's good at music, and singing, or have a very good ear at least, but also, who understands humans. And respect me, and accept me, it's the only way for me to really progress I think. Where can I find that pearl? Well, i think I'm gonna be singing on my own for a long time.